Sometimes my stupidity shocks me.......

          Sometimes my stupidity shocks me.......



   I know it's been FOREVER since I've blogged and believe me; it’s been cramping my creativity. My husband is extremely opposed to my having a blog because..What can I say..To know me is to love me, right? (lol) So, people who work for him started reading my blog. This is just not a good thing, for some people to have so much info/ammo on him.



  Well, I have finally figured out that I can have a "private blog" ,unfortunately ...this means that YOU my wonderful peeps will have to sign in, to read the damn thing. I am going to give it a shot; I hope that you will too. If not, I guess I will just write anyway and save it up for Hayden and "Maybe, Conrad"/Hamza


   I say "Maybe, Conrad" because as you know, Wes and Melanie are expecting a baby boy, Dec. 14th.
So far, the chosen name is going to be Conrad Wesley Black. When they had the first sonogram ,and saw that the baby was a boy, Wes jokingly began calling the olive sized fetus, Hamza (as this was one of the fabulous baby names they had recently seen) I have actually mailed packages addressed to Hamza Black.

Just recently I said "What if it turns out to be a girl?"    Wes said “NO! We’ve seen his package, he's well endowed."   lol  (they all are at that age)


Well, where the hell was I going with that? Oh yeah , maybe I'll just be writing to babies.

Speaking of which, you know recently ,I posted on FB ...all these cute ,cute baby clothes I had been buying at flea markets and thrift shops. Well, a few weeks ago I made 2 separate boxes of that cute stuff to mail, One for Hayden, and One for Hamza. Imagine my shock when it cost me 5 times what I paid for the cute stuff to MAIL it. Then, like 2 days later I had to explain to my spouse where this hunk of money had gone.

"Oh, remember all that stuff I bought for the babies? It cost a fortune to mail it out of Denmark."

Today, I finally tried to find out why neither Logan nor Wes have received these boxes. WTF'nF? It appears that for some reason the damn boxes have now been sent BACK to ME! I am sooo mad!
I can not pay to send them again.
 Now, by the time I go out for my visit in Jan. I'll have no clothes for myself in my suitcase because I'll have to BRING that stuff. Poor Hayden and Hamza will be 3 sizes larger than their cute Danish clothing. (So NO laughing when you see pics of them, looking like cute stuffed sausages, bursting out of their Danish baby clothes.)

They WILL be photographed wearing that cute shit if it's the last thing I ever do!

Ummm.. What else, oh ..As some of you know....I have been on antidepressants (of one type or another) since the year before Tommy died. When clinical depression struck, they were a Godsend. The bad part came later. Years later....I begin telling my doctors (in each country) "I am not depressed any more, if anything, I have an anxiety problem, I want to get off of these antidepressants."

Effexor had been the best working one, over 10 years on that shit.

Well, my UK doctor (3 years ago) totally ignored my request. My Denmark doctor, 2 years ago said " Oh, I don't want to do that until I get to know you better." As I'm getting ready to go home, for 5 months.

Are you kidding me???

So, this past spring when I went home, I demanded to my U.S. doctor to "get me off this shit!"
He began weaning me off of it immediately, by cutting my dose of 150 mg/per day, in half.

I did that for 2 months and YES the withdrawal effects were immediate.

Effexor is especially awful to stop. The physical symptoms are pretty severe, that is why doctors are afraid to HELP you stop taking it. I once ran out of it, when we first moved to Arkansas and our insurance had changed. I went ONE week without any and by the time I got to my doctors appointment I felt like I was about to die, my (normally low blood pressure was through the roof) NOT pleasant.

Anyhow, my US doctor, God bless that cute lil thing, he cut the dosage down and then cut it down in half again. By that time, I was ready to return to Denmark and refilled my last prescription, this was the lowest dose there is 37.5 . At this dose ,I was a frazzled nervous wreck (anxiety overload) ,My husband ,who hadn't seen me for a couple months, noticed how frazzled and anxious I was.

So , I got here with 30 days worth. How to ration or split, when they are the stupid little balls inside a capsule? The side effects were horrendous. Just at the lowered dose.....tick tock.... two weeks later I tried to split the pills..Ha! The little balls were all white, the static electricity made them stick to everything. I was way too blind (impatient) for that crap. I spent two weeks with brain shocks, blindness, ringing ears, totally useless, unable to drive...ect.. ect..

I tried to describe it to my husband, I couldn't do it. The best I can come up with is this: Imagine if someone removed your head, threw it in the dryer for an hour and then reattached it. Everything was on sensory OVERLOAD. Every sound is amplified, every movement is amplified. A speck in the corner of your eye looms huge, for days I thought my cell phone was ringing, No it was my own ears.

I felt like it would be better if I could not move my head at all. I thought about making myself some sort of neck brace. And an eye mask wouldn't have hurt either.

Keep that dryer head immobile and blinded....that would lessen the hell of it all.

Luckily...nearly a month later ....it's all GOOD! No more antidepressants! And here's the real unexpected thing.... my "anxiety problem" ? Ha! Apparently THAT was a symptom of the damn Effexor. I'm as calm as I used to be when I was young,.Beleive me ,that was a LONG time ago. That used to be my NATURE. I used to go to the doctor with 3, under 5 years old kids in tow and my blood pressure was so low, they couldn't believe I hadn't fainted.



       Well....I haven't even gotten to the stupidity part..... (sorry about your luck ,as my darling spouse lovs to say) No, really...it's the stupid time diff... it's betime for old ladies here.....


                   To be continued.............


                                      Love me